January: Heather Hardesty

Happy New Year to all!  What a wonderful start to 2016 it has been.  I know there was a specific topic for January, but I felt drawn to talk about something different that I think many fellow dance educators and dancers can relate to. 

Over the past few years I have witnessed something that at its core makes me sad.  I have noticed and been the instructor to children who at the first sign of “failure” have a breakdown or retreat.  I know that getting upset with yourself if you don’t get something isn’t anything new, but this is a bit different.  We as dance educators know that students will pick up things at different speeds and thus grow in their abilities at different speeds.  We as educators know that, but do children and their parents know that?  The answer to that question is both Yes and No.

I do think there are some children and some parents that know this, but I think there’s a much larger portion of people today that do not realize it.  Why are children today breaking down when they can’t get something right away or why do at the first sign of things being challenging do kids run away or drop?   I think there are many answers to this question.  First, in my opinion, society puts an enormous amount of pressure on kids to succeed.  Who doesn’t love it when your kid gets straight A’s, places overall at a competition or gets an award for their community service.  I know as a parent that I’m extremely proud when my child does these things.  What I do think is missing is permission to fail.  I think we have to learn to be better in that department.  We need to let children know that it’s okay if they didn’t master that new technique in jazz class this week or that it’s okay that they got a B in a class as long as they tried their best or that it’s okay if they don’t place overall at a competition.  

Second, I think kids put an enormous amount of pressure on themselves.  Kids today see shows like Dance Moms, America’s Got Talent, American Idol, etc and dream of being like those people on there.  I think that we live in an insta-world where we are used to having everything in a instant and I think some of these kids who take class with us on a weekly basis think that at the end of the semester they should be busting out double turns or switch leaps.  What I think has been forgotten is the process.  Most of those people on those reality shows didn’t roll out of bed with all that talent, they worked for their talent.  Granted many have natural ability, but hours were spent perfecting their craft.   I try to tell my students all the time that we all pick up at different speeds and not to be hard on yourself.  We all get to finish line just at different times.  I had a child in my class this year that burst into tears when we did a simple move across the floor because she didn’t get it right away.  I assured her it was okay.  I broke it down and had her a few others do the movement a little slower.  She was so scared to fail that for 3 weeks she wouldn’t go across the floor.  I spoke to her at the end of each week to assure her that each week she was getting stronger in her movement and that it takes time to master a new genre.  I also reminded the student that she doesn’t need to give up.  I might also add that it was week 3 into class.  I had another student who every time we worked on turns (simple prep and single turns) would have to go to the restroom.  I asked her a few weeks ago why she always needed to go to the restroom when we started doing turns.  I encouraged her every week with what she was able to do and she was getting stronger, but the pressure she put on herself to be just as good as everyone else was too much and she dropped.  I ask myself as a teacher “Am I doing everything I can do to make sure every child feels good about themselves no matter what level they are?” “Am I adding to their stress and insecurity?”  “Why are parents not making children honor a commitment and allow them to quit something halfway through and not seeing it to the end?”

I cite these examples because it scares me on some level that we have a generation of children who are going to grow into adults and anytime something gets hard they quit and walk away or hide under their desk filled with such anxiety.  So the question I pose is what we as dance educators can do about this.  I know for myself this is something in the coming weeks I will meditate on.  In the words of my friend Darryl Retter – Dance is but a by-product of what we teach within the studio.  How can we use our half hour or hour a week to positively influence a child?